Unstuck

Making the decision to stop drinking can be super fucking hard. And the uncertainty of what comes after scary as hell. How will your life change? Will you have a life? What will your new normal look like? Will people still like you? Will you have the same friends? Will you still go to bars? Will you still *want* to go to bars? Will you be BORING?!!

Looking back at my drinking days, and how my life was then, THAT was boring. I spent so much of my time drinking, and even more time being hungover; I called myself a “professional puker” for my impeccable timing and toilet bowl bullseye accuracy. I didn’t have any hobbies. I didn’t have any desire to explore and experience life, see what it could be, and who I could become. I felt stuck, like I wasn’t moving forward. My world, stagnant.

Nothing excited me. Seeing friends—unless we were drinking—didn’t excite me. Having plans for the weekend, or going on vacation, didn’t excite me. The future, my future, didn’t excite me. There’s a word for that, you know. Anhedonia. I remember learning it in college, in a class I took on substance abuse. Little did I know…

As I headed home from my vacation, I drove by Emerald Bay. The sun was rising to greet a new day, the lake calm and serene. I felt at peace, happy, grateful, and found myself reflecting on my six months of sobriety. My life feels fuller now. I’m optimistic about what comes next. And I’m excited I get to live another day like today, a day without alcohol.

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